ChiFight's blog

Fakes, Flakes, Timer Wasters and BS.

Why are there so many guys that have no issue with lying or wasting others people's time? Recently I've had two recurring problems that make me question if it's even worth keeping a profile active.

1) The Meet-up Flakes
This is the type of guy who I ask if they can meet up someplace, they immediately say yes, yes, yes. They can absolutely do it and they insist how real and legit they are. Then as the time approaches you can tell they have not lifted a finger to make it happen, in regards to any necessary booking. There is nothing but stalling and excuses, kicking the can further down the road, all the while insisting how real and serious they are. Then in the end they always end up saying either travel became too expensive, they couldn't find accommodations (a byproduct of waiting and stalling too long), they don't have money, some work or social event came up (something they should have seen coming far in advance), or all of a sudden they can't been seen with a mark on them.

Don't get me wrong, I know personal issue can come up, but I think most of us have an idea if we truly are free, willing and interested in meeting someone a few weeks out, and know if the issues mentioned above are going to be problems WELL in advance. Especially if the meeting required booking travel and accommodations in advance. When it's 3 months out, I get a lot of yeah yeah yeah, when it's 10 days out there is a lot of "we'll have to see" with a bunch of qualifiers that were never mentioned before. Why not just say "no I can't do it" at that point instead of wasting someone else's time and energy when they could be looking for someone else?

2) The "Hosting" Flakes
These are guys where I was willing either to travel to their place or a place they supposedly know of or have access to, all I did was ask for proof of the place, usually in the form of a few photos of the room they intend for the match to take place in. I feel this should be easy to obtain and something of minimal effort to justify whatever effort I need to put into traveling to them. Considering we live in an era when everyone has a camera on their phone this should be easy... though once again I get nothing but stalling and excuses. Anything but a quick and easy picture.

I have had guys tell me they were "too busy" and haven't gotten around to it... for up to 3 to 9 months! Half the time it's just rooms in their own house. I've heard they lost the photos (so I guess taking new ones is out of the question), their computer is broken (though they are obviously still using it), one clown recently just lost his mind over me even asking for them, acting incensed that I would even ask for them and "question his word", eventually blocking me. (He's a guy who runs around proclaiming he is some bad-ass underground fistfighter, but gets hypersensitive over the most minor things, and regularly deletes his profile and then shows up with a new, slightly different one a few weeks or months later. Total drama queen). I was willing to travel to his place, and literally all he had to do was walk into another room in his own house and snap a pic, but instead decided to throw a hissy fit that I just asked to see the fight room before I came. He spent way more time arguing and insulting (my rather polite request) than it would have taken to just snap a photo in the next room. (All of these guys have no problem, trading dozens of pics of each other for months on end, but the fight room is just out of the question. )

What is the problem with these guys??? It is all just about the fantasy about pretending they want to fight, and keeping that fantasy going as long as possible? I wish people could just be straight with me. If someone tells me they are unable to meet at a certain time or place, I will just accept it and move on. No problem. Though, what is the benefit of stringing someone along for weeks or months, when you know you aren't going do anything to really make it happen? That is just lying and wasting someone's time they could be spending and meeting someone worth the effort. Everyone has times when they will have to see how things go, but then don't say "Yes" out the gate then start back-peddling later.

I'd much rather get a "sorry, I am not able to meet" right away on day one, than spend weeks or months trying to deal with someone who is just going to stall, play games and flake out in the end.

Last edited on 7/11/2018 2:28 PM by ChiFight

Comments (1)

osakarob (10 gold) 7/11/2018 3:59 PM

There's so much valuable tactical advice in your post. Very well said.

On meet ups: I personally keep my wrestling hobby on the DL from my spouse. Because of that, I take extra efforts to commit to potential opponents only when there is nearly a 100% of meeting. It's wrong to set an expectation and then not be able to deliver. Conversely, that also means that I am rigorously honest with myself about how often or frequent matches will be in my life.

On hosting: I agree with absolutely everything you said. Don't exaggerate your ability to accommodate. Providing a photo is the absolute least a person should do.