This isn't going to be a woe is me type thing. Anyone who knows me knows that isn't my style. This is more a cathartic thing for me. The first time I've actually written any of this down.
Mental health is high on the agenda of most companies, political parties, medical professionals and quite rightly to. It can have a devastating effect on someone's life. Not just theirs, but those surrounding them as well.
I guess I started 'under the weather' about 9 months ago. I started, slowly, to back away from things I enjoyed. I'd find excuses not to go to parties, social occasions, or even talk on the phone. I stopped finding joy in things. At the time, I put it down to being in a job I hated. Long hours, being swore at by customers on a daily basis, and being ruled over by a manager that didn't really give a toss. I'd stopped eating properly weeks before, so my overall health was suffering. I didn't speak to anyone about it, (my first mistake) and just thought things would get better.
Things got gradually worse over the next few months. I'd stopped painting, which I'd taken up a few months before, and meeting anyone for a wrestle was a definite no-no. All I wanted to do was hide away. The gym, which I'd previously loved going to, now seemed daunting. I stopped going. Not on purpose, I just never thought about it. The last straw came one night after work. I was 4 hours late finishing, as I couldn't leave the team to it like the other managers on duty had. I got into my car exhausted. On the drive home, I could feel my mood change. I pulled over into a lay by, and sobbed. I cried solidly for half an hour. The first time I'd actually stopped to think about what I was truly feeling. Something, I told myself, had to be done. I went into work the next morning almost on auto pilot. I did my job, and without saying goodbye, I left when my shift was finally over. Numb. I felt nothing.
I called my doctor the next morning and got in straight away. Again, I sat in her surgery, and without saying a word, burst into tears. I was in there for over half an hour, telling her, between sniffing and spluttering, how I was feeling. She diagnosed depression. Yes. I was depressed. She recommended tablets and counselling. At that point i was willing to try anything. That afternoon I walked into work and handed on my notice. I had no job to go to, but I knew my job was a big part of why I was feeling like I was. The prospect of being out of work had always terrified me, but I knew this was what I had to do.
Fate sometimes comes along when you least expect it 24hrs later, I had a phone call from an ex colleague asking me if I'd be interested in a job. I went to meet the boss. He had just taken over a small village pub and was looking for someone to help him run it. The money wasnt as good as I was used to, but that didn't matter. He had a vision, and wanted me to help him.
I've been there for 2 months now. Things are going well. The counselling is helping, and been told by him he thinks I'll only need another couple of sessions. I'm on reduced dosage of the medication, and life is starting to look up again. I know I've been lucky. Some people suffer with depression for years, and for them it's a real struggle to get to the other side. But it is achievable. With hard work, asking yourself some tough questions, and talking to people, anything is possible. I've started painting again, and started a diary, noting all the things that have gone well that day, and things I want to do in the future. I've started to meet for wrestles again, and found a love for it like I did when I first started messing around in school. The gym is still the one thing that is eluding me. For some reason, I'm afraid of going back. But I will do it. I will.
I've become richer as a person because of the last 9 months. Its almost been like a voyage of discovery. And I've realised, the world is an amazing place. It doesn't always seem like it, and yes it can be a horrible brutal place, but the beauty in the small things, as well as the big can make all the difference. So I raise a glass to the rich tapestry of life. The good, the bad, and the little moments that make it all worth while.
My advice to anyone going through a tough time is talk. Find someone to listen to you, be it a partner, a friend, a doctor... people will listen. Have faith in humanity, open up, and more importantly, dont be afraid to say "I need help"

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Last edited on 3/10/2019 2:36 PM by NorthantsBloke
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Comments (13)

walrus (29 platinum) 3/10/2019 3:05 PM

Well done too for being able to tell others your story on here. That must have taken a lot of courage too.

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BamaJDon41 (1 gold) 3/10/2019 6:23 PM

A good story with a happy ending is always welcome. Thanks for posting your road toward actualization.

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yonkerswrangler (150 platinum) 3/11/2019 5:34 AM

well done to you glad you were able to get the help you needed and got it now keep up the progress man and best of luck

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interlock (0 gold) 3/11/2019 12:14 PM

Thanks for this blog on such an important subject. Very best wishes for the future.

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NorthantsBloke (8) 3/14/2019 3:16 PM

Had a few messages asking me about my paintings I mentioned in my blog. So thought I'd share with you some of the work.
On the subject of that blog, I would like to say a massive thank you to the words of encouragement I've received. I've also heard from a couple of people that have said it has helped them and after reading what I put they are now seeking help for their own issues. That, to me, means a great deal, and I wish everyone who is starting the journey of seeking help all the very best for the future. Please log in to view gallery photos.

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BamaJDon41 (1 gold) 3/14/2019 4:09 PM

Seeing actual art on this site is surprising. Very impressive.

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NorthantsBloke (8) 3/14/2019 6:23 PM

Thank you. Glad you liked. Here's another Please log in to view gallery photos.

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BamaJDon41 (1 gold) 3/14/2019 6:33 PM

That cat looks very alive. And hungry!

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NorthantsBloke (8) 3/14/2019 8:43 PM

(In reply to this)

That's my baby girl Crumb.
She's always hungry!

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MatMatMad (0 gold) 3/18/2019 1:27 PM

Well, NorthantsBloke, Congratulations! You seem to have things sorted out! First you actually started talking about it (well, English men are brought up not to talk); you then began to realise that talking helped you understand what was wrong; and then you became more confident and your self -esteem grew. And now you're thinking that life is fucking fantastic and soon you'll be getting some friends together to run bollock naked wherever to celebrate your readiness to take on the world!!
Seriously you know how you feel and you deserve to be very proud and happy with what you've achieved!! I am very happy for you!! I don't understand why you were depressed, really. Your artistic abilities are great; the great majority of people don't have artist skills like you.That's enough reason for you to feel good about yourself! And wrestling naked or oil wrestling, again I would have thought would have made you feel really good about yourself! Anyway, what you've done here is fantastic and should help a lot of men if they read this! I have to admit that I don't normally read men's blogs here but because it was in this group I did!
If you ever want to come over to Alicante/Denia for a wrestle, you'd be very welcome. I have mats in my home. David.

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Matfighter94 (1) 3/21/2019 2:18 AM

Hey there man! I'm really glad you were able to turn your life around! It's an important thing to understand, we're not invincible. We all need help sometimes. Hope you keep your spirits up! Stay strong!😉💪💪💪

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Glasgow Jobber (5) 3/22/2019 9:36 PM

Well impressed that you have made decisions that have taken you on the journey back upwards and feel strong enough to share.

Until you encounter mental health issues (and many of us will at some point in our lives) it is difficult to comprehend just how debilitating they can be.

I thought I was strong and didn’t recognise when I was going off the rails ... but did seek help and was able to make life changing decisions a year or two later.

Then a year on I had to deal with a very dramatic separation from my then partner and a five years on (on the same date) had to have my mother sectioned under the Mental Health Act ....

I’ve come out stronger from these experiences but wouldn’t wish them on anyone.

So well done you - I have some understanding of the traumas that can arise!

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Bruder (2 bronze) 3/23/2019 1:55 PM

Well done you for being so bloody honest about something that affects most of us at some point during our lives.
I'm really happy that you've come through the darkness and into the light once again.
Getting back to the gym will be the icing the cake and with your obvious self determination to continue, it'll be a piece of cake!

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