The_Kestrel's blog

Something men are shit at doing

What I am talking about here is addressing mental health, depression in particular which is apparantly one of the highest killers for men.

Why is that a statistic that is banded around? Simple - men do not open up about feelings by and large (myself included) and bottle it up. We create our own wall that prevents help and then put ourselves in a position of chaos and no hope.

In short I have been diagnosed with depression last year, and this has had a shocking effect on my character as well as my day to day life. Everything is a struggle, I enjoy my own company far too much and hardly interact with others, and my motivation to do anything is rock bottom. I would not wish this upon my worst enemy, and I am hoping this blog reaches out to some of the men doing a typically shit job of addressing their own problems.

How did it pounce on me? I did not have any particular single traumatising experience, this is usually what does the trick. With me it was like pouring a freshly opened bottle of coke - tilt the glass it pours in like water, stand it upright and pouring in the coke will immediately fizz. The more coke you add, the more the fizz flares up.

Translated to my scenario, I had problem after problem after problem happen in a short space of time, including family, work and financial issues. My brain was not prepared for these unforseen issues, and burnt out the wiring. The point where it was most apparant was when I asked my supervisor for the rest of the week off to clear my head (after yet more problems). When he looked at the calendar and said no, I was hit with the most overwhelming feeling of being trapped, and frankly broke down and cried on the spot - I did not know what else to do.

Since then, seeing my GP I am now accepting help in various forms to:

  • Make myself functioning day to day with the help of medication
  • Address the issue of how to get my brain working independantly again with some therapy I have coming up

So gentlemen, if you have got this far in this not so uplifting post, just take a moment to think about yourself, and do not let yerself get to my state. If any of what I mentioned has made an impact on you, then I suggest you have a look at these links:

https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx

http://content.digital.nhs.uk/article/4972/Improving-Access-to-Psychological-Therapies-IAPT

Sorry but these are UK based pages, but to any friends overseas please feel free to look anyway simply just for the information. Webpages for where to find help in your area shoud not be hard to find when searching for it.

Apologies if this is not easy reading (or even boring to some of you) but this is aimed at addressing something that is common amongst us, and in the hope to help any who have not addressed/realised their problems.

Stay safe all and see you on the mats 💪👹

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Last edited on 2/04/2018 2:40 PM by The Kestrel
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Comments

24

Squashlad (256)

2/04/2018 2:52 PM

Ah, that's no good mate! Hope writing about it has helped. And hopefully you're well on the mend now. Good luck with it all.

We often minimize the extent to which our minds and bodies are an integrated whole, and exercise can really help with keeping stable brain chemistry. It's amazing what perspective a good long walk can bring to things and if you're up for doing some more sweaty mat-based exercise that'll help even more. Wrestling: it's not just for the waistline!

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The Kestrel (49 )

2/04/2018 2:56 PM

(In reply to this)

Thanks for your contribution! And yes, I am trying to help myself with excercise, admittedly wrestling has been a bit dry (though planned a few matches for some annual leave I have comjng up). But I am taking myself to the gym most days, as the buzz I get after does make a difference.

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Cymrofight (62)

2/04/2018 4:50 PM

All respect to you Kes for posting this, and I'd like to add my thanks and support. I'm in training to hopefully be able to offer help with this kind of situation in the future, &I particularly hope to be able to work with guys if things work out. We need efforts to break down our taboos surrounding this area, as well as getting more mainstream acknowledgement, acceptance and support. Thanks for posting the links - take a look at them, fellas.

Squashlad makes a good point - the simplest exercise such as going for a walk can really help. Without wanting to belittle the tone of this, wrestlers know all about its attendant anti-depressive benefits, but those of us who aren't lucky enough to have access to it can still do well by just getting out of the house.

Thanks a lot Kes, for screwing up the courage to post. Through your guts, you can help a lot of us out there with this. I'm sure I join others in sending you my best wishes for your journey back to happiness. Keep us posted, buddy.

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BamaJDon41 (9 )

2/04/2018 5:12 PM

Thanks for posting. I feel your pain and hope for your continued improvement. Live your best life.

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The Kestrel (49 )

2/04/2018 5:41 PM

Thanks for the comments guys! Some very warming words there 👍

Please note this blog is not a search of sympathy, more as a contribution to raise awareness for mens mental health. It is the biggest reason for suicides in men, especially young and middle ages. There is a lot of support for when tjings go wrong, this is more to get guys thinking before they reach a breaking point.

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Cymrofight (62)

2/04/2018 5:52 PM

(In reply to this)

Umm, if I can risk your ire for a moment, I'd notice that the need to say that this isn't a search for sympathy is all too typical... Such fears are one of the things that stop us seeking help early enough. Notcom's comments below on vulnerability might be relevant.

I'd say that it's totally clear that you're trying to raise awareness and help out other men, and for that: many thanks.

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notcom (21 )

2/04/2018 5:42 PM

Hi Kestrel,

Firstly CONGRATULATIONS on achieving your wellbeing after difficulties and also your EXCELLENT blog on depression and its effect on men.

This blog is long overdue and I hope positive things come out of it for both yourself and many, many more men.

Getting back to grappling, I remember, back in the day, when I was doing some no gi training, I kept on getting ‘caught’ by one or two moves. The fact that I could see a pattern to these moves helped me to realise that this was something I could work on in my ‘ground game’.

This I did, in various ways and in various possible scenarios.

Essentially, I understood and worked with my vulnerability in some areas of grappling to give me more resilience on the mats and more of a chance when I grappled.

It took time, determination, focus and MUCH support from the people I trained with, but I got better in my grappling.

It can also be the same for depression with men.

There is a lot of great information, awareness and SUPPORT out there.

I agree totally with Kestrel that it is now up to us men to start the conversation and the journey towards wellness and wellbeing

FYI to help with this, outside of the UK, I have added some official sources of information and support with mental and emotional wellbeing for men in various languages as well as English.

As ‘The Greatest’, Muhammad Ali said “It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe”.

Here’s wishing you all, Kestrel included, strength and support with your journey.

Australia - https://mensline.org.au/the-tips-and-tools/emotional-wellbeing/

Australia - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

New Zealand - https://depression.org.nz/

United States (in English and in Spanish)
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/men-and-depression/index.shtml

Canada - (in English and in French)
https://cmha.ca/

Canada (in English)
https://headsupguys.org/

World Health Organization (in Arabic, Chinese, English, French, Russian and Spanish)
http://www.who.int/mental_health/management/depression/en/

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The Kestrel (49 )

2/04/2018 5:48 PM

(In reply to this)

Brilliant response and thanks for adding the further links 👍

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irishpunknyc (9)

2/04/2018 7:33 PM

Wishing you well, Kestrel.

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Vanman (87 )

2/04/2018 10:40 PM

I will hold my hand up proudly and say that I have suffered as well.

If people can just talk it works wonders.

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The Kestrel (49 )

2/04/2018 10:54 PM

(In reply to this)

And yet you are the biggest mouthed jobber of the norf! Good to hear yer a positive example of someone coming out the other end 👍

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country (25)

2/04/2018 11:02 PM

For those of us who have been or are where you at, we can say you are taking the right steps...a few pieces at a time....we have to practice mind health just like we have to develop body health...and don't feel bad if you have to fake being ok once in a while

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Pitbull (32)

2/04/2018 11:06 PM

Kes you are a top fella and a top mate. Anytime you need to talk just ask. I myself have gone through the mill the last couple of years . Im lucky as i have a supportive partner but, mental health is a serious matter that men should address as well as other conditions . Never be afraid to talk . Cry and contact a GP or other medical proffesional . Kes always here bud love ya mate x

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mackemsub (98)

2/05/2018 12:11 PM

very useful blog and very well articulated Kes

glad youre fighting it effectively

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Ironbull (94)

2/05/2018 1:12 PM

Good for you for raising it. Hope you continue to manage it well.

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MCRLON30UK (54)

2/05/2018 1:24 PM

Not all men.

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The Kestrel (49 )

2/05/2018 1:27 PM

(In reply to this)

Hence why it does not say all men, it is a general label applied to us, so that is what is being addressed.

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Vanman (87 )

2/05/2018 2:55 PM

(In reply to this)

Just do what you need to do Kes, it will all turn out in the end.

It is dangerous to exclude anyone as EVERYONE is at risk so the more people read it the better.

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notcom (21 )

2/05/2018 3:55 PM

Hi Kes. Just a quick note to say that I will mention this blog on my profile page on MF and invite my profile readers to check your blog out too. Hope this helps a bit to get the message out there !

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The Kestrel (49 )

2/05/2018 5:49 PM

(In reply to this)

Please feel free to do so if you feel it will help raise awareness, thanks 👍

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Vanman (87 )

2/05/2018 6:14 PM

(In reply to this)

Nice thought. 🙂

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Tanker (210)

2/05/2018 9:35 PM

All the best Kes, hopefully the worst is over.
Hugs
David

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Superfly (208)

2/09/2018 12:55 AM

Hey Kes,

Thanks for sharing, you have addressed an important issue. Keep up with the management plan and it will get better. 😉

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quasiotter (7)

2/10/2018 5:41 AM

Great post, bringing awareness is important!

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