osakarob's blog
Best Practices for Coordinating Successful Matches
A recent match with a tough wrestler from Chicago reminded me of an important concept: your love of fighting will forever require coordination. Not coordination as in balance; coordination as in your ability to set up meetings with strangers and make them memorable.
Between bouts of dominating me into submission, my opponent shared his fighting history. Like most men, he engaged in youthful roughhousing during his teen and college years. And like many of us, his first coordinated matches with strangers made him nervous and a bit scared. He knew deep down that his desire for masculine combat was an appreciated part of his masculinity and easily satiated by joining a jiu-jitsu club. But he also acknowledged that the feelings were also primal and erotic. His desires for fighting became jumbled and intertwined with his desires for men generally. Matches that culminated in sexual release certainly weren’t requisite. But they definitely became the most memorable ones. Today, he reaps the bounty of a network of dozens of trusted past opponents all around the country and the world. He’s had multiple matches with his favorites over several decades.
I wanted to ask him directly “To what do you attribute your high success rate in finding the specific kind of opponent that you like?” But in fact, his secret was revealed in a side conversation about his professional life: He knows precisely what he wants. He can articulate it well. And then he coordinates all the details in his life to make it happen – sparing no expense to get exactly whatever outcome he desires.
Intuitively, I knew he applied the same rigor to his wrestling passion: when he sees a match opportunity that he wants – he freely and generously allocates time and financial resources to connect with his desired opponent. He asks probing questions to ensure “fit”. But once he’s established that “this is someone I want to meet”, he relentlessly manages his time to maximize these opportunities. He recognizes that clarity of purpose is essential for leading the kind of life he wants both in business and in the ring. In the case of our match, he added an entire day onto his business trip, booked a larger suite to ensure room for fighting, and probably even missed an important meeting to be with me.
That made me feel special. And I had to acknowledge that this match wasn’t just like all the others. He really wanted to spend time with me.
I left our match humbled by my repeated defeats but invigorated by the time I spent with this guy. I wondered why we spent so much time talking about fighting and our personal lives before we even locked up. Afterwards, however, I realized this too was part of his laser-focused approach to match coordination. He invests in the relationships first so that will ensure that both opponents feel comfortable and excited during match. Intimacy and trust are essential ingredients for meeting strangers for matches that have an erotic component. And my friend clearly realized that those ingredients must be timed – or coordinated – in the right order to make the final product truly excellent.
The experience re-affirmed in me that however I coordinate future matches, I want to apply the same principles this guy does.
Prowrestle (15)
7/27/2022 7:50 PMThank you for sharing.
BamaJDon41 (10 )
7/27/2022 8:31 PMWell said explanation of the desires of both those with similar experiences and those who would like to have them.
maineagle93 (148 )
7/27/2022 8:55 PMDefinitely can echo the idea that you get better matches with those you connect more with.
WrestlingFL (64)
7/27/2022 10:46 PMThat was a nice post and the post-er a class act. Incredible time with a good man. Would do it again right now!
mattz4fun (598)
7/28/2022 3:02 AMRelevant message and eloquently said. Thank you for putting this out.
Sparrhawk (9)
7/28/2022 3:06 AMCommunication skills are an important part of the process. More importantly, this guy made wrestling you a priority. He even added an extra day to his business trip.
Much of life reflects this. We often claim we want to do something but never squeeze it into our schedules. Unless we make something a priority, it often won't get done.
FYI, I tried to message you but received an auto- reply that I can't. I don't understand why I'm still considered a trial user even after numerous opponents/recommendations.
osakarob (59 )
7/28/2022 5:57 PM(In reply to this)
Hi Sparrhawk. I never received your message. Maybe you can submit a question to the Administrators.
SeattleFight (471)
7/28/2022 5:13 AMVery true. I find the more and more clearly you communicate beforehand about what you both *really* want, the better and more mutually fulfilling the match will be. Or, you may discover through that communication that it’s not really a great match and you don’t do it. Either outcome is good. Also making the effort is key both to making it happen and to showing your opponent the match, he, and his time are all important too. That’s just basic consideration and planning. So many times I will try to plan a match a few weeks ahead of coming to a city and various guys will tell me “just get in touch when you get here.” I take that as an indication the match is not important to them and I don’t mess with them further. Leaving things to luck (or to “I will if nothing better pops up at the last moment” usually does not lead to anything. Sure, things can come up at the last minute but it takes some proactive effort to have a good match.
On a related note, the mental/social connection is at least as important as the physical one. My best matches are often the ones where he and I connect mentally as well as physically. Without that it can be a little meh. Even though it looks like we hate each other and are trying to beat the crap out of each other (and we yell all that), I find it more fun to fight someone I have that connection with.
Prowrestle (15)
7/28/2022 5:23 AM(In reply to this)
You added a few good points. Very well said.
chicagowrestbox (25 )
7/28/2022 4:25 PMBrilliant post. It’s all about communication, planning and follow through.
osakarob (59 )
7/28/2022 5:51 PMThanks to everyone for the comments. I'm particularly interested in a point that SeattleFight noted:
"So many times I will try to plan a match a few weeks ahead of coming to a city and various guys will tell me “just get in touch when you get here.” I take that as an indication the match is not important to them and I don’t mess with them further. Leaving things to luck (or to “I will if nothing better pops up at the last moment”) usually does not lead to anything."
There's a whole lot of wisdom packed into those 3 sentences.
And I'm not sure where the best practice truly is. Seems very dependent on how much of a priority wrestling is to the guy. For example, I average less than six matches per year, so when I commit; I'm loathe to cancel on someone unless it's illness. Conversely, I probably miss out on a lot of spontaneous opportunities. I live in Las Vegas and it's not uncommon for visitors to think that they can easily add matches between their meetings/conventions or partying. But most Vegas residents live a 30-minute drive from the Strip, so planning is required even for something spontaneous.
Anyway, I appreciate everyone's insights.