squeeze002's blog

Why I don't wrestle around Right now

Okay I have to share this stuff just so I can get it out there and release some of the power that's attached to it so I can move forward.

My previous post I talked AT LENGTH about why I love head scissors so incredibly much. I haven't thought about it that deeply for a while and I've never shared that information before either but I feel pretty comfortable with everybody here for some reason mainly after finding people who like the same thing which is incredible. Now if I can just find the squeezers schedule them up so they're not fighting over who's next although that might be kind of fun to watch. Anyway.

Onto the reason why I called you all here. In August 2022 basically the shittiest year of my entire life by far it was a really crappy year. I had stopped stupidly not taking care of myself regarding my diabetes. And what that resulted in is extreme muscle weakness that was really embarrassing. I ended up one day falling on the floor and finally the manager of the hotel I was staying at came in and helped me off the floor. Then straw that broke the camel's back basically. I went to go shit cuz I had the fabulous Montezuma's revenge that's a diarrhea and any other language. And it was that explosive kind that I oh my god of it to get out of bed right fucking now and TOILET NOW!

I finally make it to the toilet take care of everything. And then I was going to stand up and clean myself up thank God I hadn't made a complete submiss of myself hate that. When it's all good whatever I'm sure some of you have been there if not oh holy super butt cheeks whatever I don't know.

I discovered that I couldn't stand up from the freaking toilet. Luckily I had thought to grab my phone on the way into the bathroom. So I called 911 for help. I ended up in the hospital. I was out a little bit after that but I didn't have anywhere to go so I ended up having to spend 30 days living in my car and my sister's front yard. All of my stuff at the hotel was picked up by my sister and put into " storage " which is basically a trailer that was poorly covered and of course it rains all the damn time and it's colder than hell in February of all things 2022. And during that 30 days I didn't really go anywhere cuz I didn't have any money I got rolled by an escort and I mean totally ripped off the bastard stole my phone and basically spent $4,000 of my money. The hotel didn't want to wait for the money it would have been just two weeks and I'd lived there for 3 years.

Why was I living in a hotel. Let me tell you I can't remember what year this started but I lost my job it was a fairly decent job I worked at home but I got a phone call from my boss and saying I need to let you go cuz things are really slowed down and this contract that we took on is really taking its toll on us so I can't pay you anymore. Oops lost my job. So I tried to get another job now mind you I had not been moving around very much I had not been walking very far and I was pushing around the damn walker all the time and I gained a lot of weight. This is before I moved into the hotel. I couldn't find a job anywhere and I'm qualified I've been doing computer programming for years and I'm highly qualified but I got a lot of the " overqualified " comments from employers. " You'll get bored of this job and leave us ". It's like I was ready to take a job I wanted to be able to pay my rent and live my life I could care less if I'm bored with the job I'll go do my job and I'll go home that will be the end of it. Nothing. So I ended up in a homeless shelter downtown Seattle The Union Gospel mission. Now this is a roach infested building that used to be a hooker house in downtown Seattle. I was there for a year and a half. Anyway that's part of my story. I finally got out of that when the Navy decided to pull out this great big stamp and slap it down on my file and it said "CRAZY". So not only was I homeless a veteran of the United States Navy on honorably discharged and now I'm crazy. What now? Then I got this letter saying my life was going to change so I said okay and waited to see how it was going to change. Boy did it change. But it was all for the good. And this is still before I was in my sister's front yard. And before the hooker ran off with all my money making me homeless one more time. My sister's house was absolutely inaccessible to me cuz she had I don't know how many damn stairs just to the front door and then stairs to go upstairs or downstairs but you had no other choice but to climb 1,000 stairs and they were all steep stairs I'm not easy to move up..

You see I did something stupid in a way by working at home. I was working at home making enough to pay my rent and enjoy myself. But I had stopped engaging in anything really physical that would make me sweat and keep me in better shape.

Now the end of the time and my sister's place which was over 40 days I wasn't feeling very well. And I didn't know it at the time but I'd been sleeping in my car in the middle of the winter with only an electric throw for warmth. We had bought an electric blanket but it died after 3 or 4 days I think. and she went back to get another one at the store and they only had the throw so I had to make do.

So I told my sister I wanted to go to the hospital is it okay I'll take you on blah blah day. It wasn't an emergency which was good. But I got in the hospital and I had developed two diabetic ulcers on the bottom of my heels from sleeping in that car for 40 days.

I wouldn't have had to stay in my car but my sister didn't want to clean out any of the rooms and put a bed in there for me so I could stay in the house like a human being in the basement. You understand why I brought this up in a minute.

Of course everyday well not quite every day just whenever she felt like coming out or when she got home from work she'd come and bitch at me why aren't you doing anything so what am I supposed to do I can't work I'm done working I don't have any money right now duh I told you that story too. That's what I had to deal with for 40 days there's a reason why I'm gay I don't want to have to deal with a nagging bitch. And I won't deal with a nagging bitch.

So I go to the hospital and of course they check me in I was there for 7 months at the end of that 7 months in August of 2022 and the doctors discovered a bone infection caused by the diabetic ulcers that went into the bones of my feet. They tried everything they could with antibiotics to cure the diabetic ulcers but there was no blood flow in my feet so I would end up occasionally and ICU in a very delirious state from what I was told because I don't remember it I was on another planet at the time. But I had gone septic and had gone into my brain and boom more antibiotics.

So I had a choice at this point. I could go ahead and waste money and time for a little bit longer taking IV antibiotics of all sorts or let them cut off my feet. I went ahead and chose the cut off my feet. I never liked the way my feet look anyway I kind of miss them now in a way cuz I never had long toes that I could pick up pennies and dimes with like some people have.

Then by about the end of September the hospital told me after I had healed from the surgery that there isn't anything else that they can do for me here and they can't justify billing the insurance company which was the VA. And of course this was this horrible woman from the admin department that came in to give me this wonderful news.

Because I didn't have a place to stay that I could call home and caused a big problem. I was supposed to go to rehab a more intense rehab you know inpatient to learn how to get it out in and out of my chair get on the toilet shit like that. Well with the hospital they showed me twice how to get out of the hospital bed and into a wheelchair. And they showed me once how to get onto the toilet. And then they came in and said, "okay we're going to discharge you in a few days we've made it a reservation at a hotel (now this hotel is in the worst part of Tacoma Washington that exists. The fire department would not go to this hotel motel until the cops arrived there first and let them know that it was safe because they had so much problems when they came to this particular hotel). I'd never actually lived in a place like that. In fact I've never lived in a place where the fire department wouldn't show up until the police showed up first. That was absolutely amazing that that is how it worked out.

So I get to the hotel and I had no idea how to transfer to the hotel bed because it was over 14 in higher than my wheelchair and I had no idea how the hell I'm supposed to get up there. I've had no rehab training and there was nothing at all to grab on to to pull myself onto the bed. But I had a couch that was about the same height as this stupid manual wheelchair. To make the story of those shorter I ended up going to the ER three times the first three days I was in that motel because every time I tried to transfer out of that wheelchair I would feel like I was going to fall on the floor and I started getting heart palpitations which I'd never actually had before but they're scary as shit. Luckily I had my phone nearby and could call 911 this is how I found out about the police and fire department arrangement at this particular shitty hotel. At the last time the last visit I had already called them the night before cuz I'd actually fallen on the floor and I could not for the life of me and get up onto the couch or the wheelchair. So they came in and lifted me up onto the couch. And then in the morning I called them again and they listed me from the couch to the wheelchair and took me out to the ER again.

The last time I was at the ER I've met a community services person and she looked around for a place for me to be where I could get assistance at an assisted living place. The VA wasn't going to cover this I had to cover it with my income. She found a place and I was granted I was really kind of shocked because when I talked to the woman who owned it she said that you know I'll be really generous here and leave you $97 of your entire income and I'll take the rest of it. I was like I have no idea what else to do. I needed somewhere I could be where I could get help where I could be accessible to rehab and if I fell on the floor or something I could get a help a little bit easier.

Now the one thing about it when I stopped taking care of my diabetes and taking insulin. One thing that happened in my life is I started dropping weight. I went from about 338 lb and I'm guessing here cuz I can't remember what I weighed at the time. And now I am down to 185 lb. I haven't weighed this little in decades. Now Grant that I had to have two feet removed to lose some of that weight but I know damn good well it didn't wear over 100 lb.

So currently I'm in an assisted living home waiting for my new fake feet so I can learn to walk on those and then hopefully begin living on my own again taking care of myself hopefully taking care of everything I need to and also I'm going to start hitting the gym because since I am down in weight I might as well go ahead and lift some weights and get enough strength to lift myself up off the floor if I have to and if I want to I want to get strong enough to lift my ass in the air and dust the fucking ceiling. Like all the skinny people I see in these amputee videos.

And you know the video I'm talking about the ones that are running on Little springs setting records and running and getting everybody all upset because everyone thinks they're cheating. I'll tell you one thing I did have a chance to stand on my fake feet before they decided they're going to remake them for me in carbon fiber that were in plastic clear plastic to get the sizing correct. I stood up twice and I will tell you right now the pain was absolutely incredible standing in those things but that is something I'm going to have to get used to and I will because others have and there's no reason why I can't. I'm fucking stubborn enough I'm going to be able to do it because I'd really don't like giving up why should I.

So it's going to be a little while before I can start wrestling around with somebody I wish I could. That doesn't stop me wanting a pair of muscular thighs wrapped around my neck squeezing the fuck out of me oh hell no that means so much to me it's amazing.

So I may not be able to wrestle around with you for a while I want to work up to that point.

But I'm willing at any time if you ever want to wrap your legs around my neck and squeeze the fuck out of me basically squeeze all the fucking stress out of me and make me feel like I belong on this planet I'm ready. And believe me I'll do everything I can to make sure you have a good time too. That's what you're supposed to do isn't it?

Last edited on 3/12/2023 9:34 PM by squeeze002