Boxerboy91's blog
Anxiety
Here’s the thing. As a lover of wrestling and fighting, I can’t lie...no matter the situation, from the first interaction that SERIOUSLY starts to set up a match until I see you face to face, my inner monologue is some chaotic mixture of “am I about to meet a complete fake?”, and “am I about to get hurt?”, and “am I about to meet a creep?” And something similar to “AHHHHHHHH!!!”
No really. I’ve had a modest number of matches from Meetfighters, and every single one has been magnificent. But that’s because I took the time to actually vet every person I meet and know what I’m getting into. I’ve been called more than a few names for cutting off things that my anxiety can’t handle...and while I will allow that having my fiancé come to most of my matches lately, I have to know if anyone else cuts a meet off for anxiety?
Most of my “red flag” triggers are things like:
1.) rushing a meeting. Pressuring me to make arrangements.
2.) pushing for things I’m not comfortable with. I know you would really like either me or my fiancé to blow you after a match, but you’re gonna have to meet us a FEW times for that.
3.) “are you a coward?” FYI, no I’m not. I just don’t wanna fight YOU because you ask questions like that.
4.) “you’re gonna give that ass up after I win.” (Or anything similar to that). No I’m not. That’s not how this works.
5.) LETS PLAN THIS FOR THE BEXT THREE DAYS! Whoa. I need a minute to get to know you. Don’t make every interaction we have about what day we’re going to meet. For all I know you kill people and eat them. Let me ask my vetting questions and go from there.
Save these things, I’m pretty chilled out. 😁 EVERY person I’ve met has gone through this, and the bottom line is, if I have an opponent in my recommendations list, they are QUALITY. They’re good guys who will respect you, you have no reason to worry about and who will give you a GOOD fight. I promise I don’t have one single past opponent who isn’t worth the time.
Anyone else have problems with anxiety in setting up matches?
celtwrestle (47 )
7/22/2019 10:00 AMI get the butterflies in the stomach feeling days before I’m about to meet a formidable opponent who has a string of recommendations on here verifying his toughness. That’s why the MF recommendations are key.
And after all, you’re not just protecting yourself, but your woman too. She must feel very proud - or at least I hope so.
hugefan (87)
7/22/2019 11:18 AMI think you are doing all the right things, checking your happy before a meet, avoiding it if something rings alarm bells. I was very nervous with early meets but as time goes on I'm a bit more matter of fact. As long as I don't feel I'm in danger, the worst that can happen is a wasted few hours and then on to the next one. Thankfully there have been very very few meets I am sorry I had.
grlelek (1)
7/22/2019 11:39 AMMan, it's not anxiety, it's common sense.
NJWoodbridge (139)
7/22/2019 9:40 PM(In reply to this)
Agreed. It's common sense.
tuffwrstl0 (21)
7/24/2019 12:58 AM(In reply to this)
You are spot on ! it is commonsense ,,,Listen to your Gut!
thunder64boxer (8)
7/22/2019 10:45 PMYes... And it's a good practice for anything on line
HandJobber (3)
7/23/2019 9:49 AMI can really relate to this.
funscrapseverino (22)
7/23/2019 10:10 AMAgreed Too - its common sense...
Crushwrestler (7)
7/24/2019 9:18 AM“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
Sparrhawk (9)
7/25/2019 11:29 AMI agree with everything except the "rushing the meeting" part. The vast majority of guys I've interacted with on here claim to want to wrestle but NEVER set a date. It's often a vague lure to get me to keep in touch.
I respect an opponent who makes a date and keeps it. Instead, most guys keep the meeting part floating around in the ether.
celtwrestle (47 )
7/25/2019 11:43 AM(In reply to this)
I’ve had a fair share of those. Dudes with no previous opponents who’ll say they’ll be coming to your town In 6 months or so. Obviously hanging in for crap chat.
Sparrhawk (9)
7/25/2019 11:58 AM(In reply to this)
Yes, it's very common. "I'll be coming to your area in 2020 and need an opponent. You interested?" That's one line.
Judoka WA (16)
8/19/2019 6:55 AMOf course we all have anxiety about meeting new people, whether for job interview or a private jiujitsu match... in the last case, it’s even worse: what about if he’s a former champion and wants more than sport? Will he take his ‘prize’ by force?
So yes, so far I only had very nice opponents, but I’m in the same case than you, I’m eliminating a lot of fakes by discussing a lot with my future opponents. Some people may not appreciate, but I’m looking for friends first. If there’s no connection, what the point to roll together?
And what a great idea to bring your fiancé. My partner is not interested in participating (he’s got a weak shoulder following a surfing injury) but he’s taking great videos and photos when my opponent allows that to happen. And I feel more secure, not that I cannot defend myself, but you’ll never know, someone of the Gracie family may be here and not as nice as in his website 😜
Wrestling Beast (22)
10/28/2019 6:00 PMI think most of your red flags are pretty commonly shared. #1 is usually not a good sign unless it seems like, after talking for a while, you've met a "wrestling soulmate" or the guy is in town for only a night or two. #2 is something that should be a conversation ender for almost all rational people, but if it were to happen, it should never be something brought up early in a relationship. Some people might be into trash talking and they may say things like #3 and #4. If they do not want to wrestle after you explain you're not really into that, or ignore your feelings, then you can scratch them off your list of potential opponents.
Fortunately you have a plus one who understands what you're into. If a new opponent takes things beyond your comfort level, she can be the perfect safe person to contact, even if by phone or to call for help. If she is present, another person may think twice about doing something you've stated you do not wish to do.
joeyj 32 (3)
4/12/2020 5:04 PMJust saw this blog. Def well put and something I’m sure many think about
Kochap (18)
12/13/2021 11:57 AMSometimes I wonder similar things , but fortunately I’ve only had good experiences even around the world. I have heard stories of some creeps though.
Icarus Factor (3 )
1/01/2023 11:21 PMWithout fear there is no bravery